Chuck versus Choices
by Grayroc
Summary: Chuck is getting what he always wanted the Intersect removed from his head. Now he can live a normal live. Chuck presses Sarah to make a choice. Him or the CIA. Sarah wants both she wants Chuck and the CIA. This is a story about the choices we make and consequences
1. Chapter 1

Chuck versus Choices

**A/N:**

_Hello readers. This is my first multi-chapter novella. It is with some trepidation I am putting this out there for the Chuck folk to read. I have chosen to feature one of the minor characters Zondra Rizzo in a feature role. This is of course is an AU story and the departure point is around the end of Season 1 and the beginning of Season 2. There is no termination order and our hero Chuck gets to have the intersect removed and live a normal life. Both Chuck and Sarah have some hard decisions to make. The course of love never ever runs smoothly. I am hoping this will be about three chapters in length. The second and third chapters will be added as soon as I master the publishing bits of the web site. Reviews and comments are welcome. If you take your valuable time to read this then I will give due consideration to your comments positive and not so positive. I have not used a beta reader and hence errors, grammar and syntax wrongs are all mine._

_Also for those who love Sarah, do not despair._

**Burbank February 2008**

Chuck was pressing her for an answer. Sarah didn't like to be pushed into a corner but he was unrelenting and as serious as she had ever seen him.

"Sarah, tomorrow the intersect will be taken out of my head and the new intersect will go live. Thanks to you and Casey there is no termination order. Do you realize what this means. It means I can be normal again, thank God. I will be free of all the stuff in my head and believe me some of it is truly horrifying. But listen, what's really important to me is we can be normal. No more fake cover relationship, we can be a normal couple. I mean I can take you out on a real date. We can sleep in my room and not have Casey recording the sounds and the sights in HD, even though there wasn't much going on in here anyways." Chuck took a big breath and tried to calm himself. This wasn't going exactly the way he had planned when he had practiced this in the mirror. Sarah was tensed up and she wasn't looking at him.

"Sarah, if ever there was a time for you not to be quiet this is it, tell me what you're thinking, and please tell me what you're feeling."

Sarah couldn't look Chuck in the eye. She hated when he did this to her, he was the only person in the universe who got her stomach churning and her thoughts mixed up. She was usually a clear, decisive person. Her reputation was you knew where you stood with Sarah Walker. But Chuck wanted her to commit, that's what the bottom line was here. Make a choice. She could analyze it and make it really complex but it boiled down to two choices. Resign from the CIA at the apex of her career and be with Chuck or get on with her next assignment as the top field agent the CIA had.

She knew what Chuck wanted her to say. She hadn't slept very well last night. Even now she was torn. Yes she loved him, but she was so new to being in love. Comparing what she felt for Bryce and Chuck was the only benchmark she had. On that basis Chuck won hands down and she hadn't even made love to Chuck. She couldn't believe she felt the way she did based on only kissing and hugging him and being around him and his family. This was crazy.

"Chuck I really like you." When Sarah said this Chuck made a grimace and was about to speak but Sarah jumped back into the conversation. "Wait Chuck, let me finish, you know I'm not great at putting my feelings into words. Chuck I love you but I am at the height of my career. Working and being with you has been fantastic for me personally and professionally. Casey and I now have the pick of any assignments we want. We have both been promoted a grade and that's just the beginning. Do you realize that in another five years I could become a Station Chief or a Regional Director? That rarely happens to someone my age."

Chuck was desperate to make her understand something he knew at the bottom of his very being. He didn't want to hurt her but he needed to say this to her. It was now or never.

"Sarah, I don't want you to go back to your spy life, I am afraid for you. When we first met two things were blazingly obvious to me early on. One is your beauty and I'm not talking about what every normal man sees, the stunning woman, no I mean something inside of you. When I first saw your face and then your eyes, I glimpsed something. It was a flash and then it was gone. It was only later after we had spent time together, that I knew what it was. It was joy and warmth and love all caught up inside of you waiting to get out. I want that for me. I want to get to know the inner Sarah Walker because I think she is more beautiful than anything on the outside."

Sarah lifted her head as Chuck was talking and was transfixed by his words and the emotion and she couldn't stop the tears welling up in her eyes. She took the back of her hand and wiped the tears away.

Chuck then knelt down in front of her and said. "The second thing I also saw was someone who was too good at her job. Sarah to be the best field agent in the CIA comes at an awful price. Mission after mission when we were in danger I have seen what you can do and every time I did I thanked God you were protecting me and not after me. You must have to push down and lock up some terrible memories and feelings to cope with your job. I am terrified that your job will kill something precious to me...that inner Sarah. That's why I'm begging you, please stay with me and let's start our life together."

Sarah at the moment was so torn about what to do it was painful. She wanted both, why couldn't she have both. "Chuck, we can have it both ways. When I'm not on a mission we can be together."

Wearily Chuck said. "Sarah, I can't live on seeing you for a handful of days each year. I would grow to hate your job and be angry at you. What we had together would eventually and inevitably melt away."

Sarah's phone rang and she saw it was Graham. "Chuck I'll be out in the courtyard I have to take this, it's Graham."

"Walker, secure."

"Graham, secure. Sarah congratulations on a very successful mission on Operation Bartowski. I have some very exciting news for you on your next assignment. Listen, the senior special agent who was going to run Operation Snow in Amsterdam has bowed out due to illness. I pushed hard for you to replace him. You will be running one of our biggest operations in five years and in charge of 10 experienced agents. You will be reporting directly to me and the Station Chief in Europe. Sarah, if this operation goes well you will be in line for some important jobs at the end of it. I need you on a plane back to Langley in 4 hours. Graham out."

Sarah couldn't believe it, everything she had done over the last seven years, all the sacrifices all the pain had led her to this moment. How could she say no? She wanted this job and she knew Graham by backing her so hard had put his own reputation on the line.

Chuck saw Sarah come through the door and he looked into her eyes and somehow he just knew he had lost her, he had lost them as a couple, he felt the lump in his throat and he wanted to cry. He couldn't speak and so waited for the body blow that was coming.

Sarah was still elated from the phone call and it was only as she got to Chuck's bedroom door that the full realization of the choice she was about to make hit her and her body didn't like it, her stomach was tied up in knots and she felt a headache coming on.

"Chuck, I can't quit the CIA, not now. I have been given a once in a lifetime opportunity. I do love you but how can you ask me to make this choice? If you really love me you would want me to take this job. Please say you will wait for me. I promise I will get back to be with you as much as I can. I might be able to fly you over to Europe once in a while, we can meet in Berlin or Paris. Why can't I have you and the job I've always wanted?"

Chuck fought back the tears and said. "Sarah, your job, the CIA is a possessive lover. It will leave no space for me or anyone else; it will absorb every bit of you and ask for more. Please promise me you will do all you can to protect the inner Sarah, keep her alive, and keep her safe so she may one day can remerge."

Chuck then crossed the room and gave her a huge hug and kissed her on the cheek and because he was now crying he couldn't say a word and left her standing there in his room.

Sarah watched him go and tears filled her eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

**April 2008**

**Bon Tempe Lake - North of San Francisco**

Chuck was thirsty; he had just gained 300 vertical feet on the trail leading up to the lake and was still trying to identify five more species of birds before calling it a day. He paused to catch his breath and sat down on a stump. He had moved up to San Anselmo two months ago and so much had changed. Sarah was gone from his life, God that still hurt to say it and think it but at least he didn't cry anymore. For the first month he tried every avenue to get Sarah's address to write but Graham and Beckman said it was deep cover and couldn't help him. They also told Chuck given the sensitivity of the mission not to expect any contact from Sarah it was just too dangerous.

His small business developing software games and advising on hacking defences was starting to work out and he loved the area. It was a perfect micro climate most of the year, not too hot and not too cold. Great biking and hiking in the watershed areas and State Parks plus he was close to San Francisco. He had poured himself into the business and exercising. He had cut back on almost all the junk food. Sometimes though a little gremlin from time to time snuck cheese puffballs into the apartment.

Zondra Rizzo, ex C.A.T. squad member and now CIA field agent was between missions and on a two week vacation, she was enjoying the spring migration by tramping the watershed areas, sewage ponds and lakes and trails all in the aid of getting her bird count up. Her dad had taken her out birding with him as a young child of six and his passion for bird watching had become her passion. It was one way she kept from going crazy with the life she led and the things she had to do. She loved the peace and quiet and solitude, it restored her soul. Well not completely but it helped. Up ahead she noticed the young man sitting on the stump up ahead. She felt for her gun tucked away then snapped up her binoculars and checked him out. Not a threat, just another bird watcher. As she got closer Chuck noticed her. She was about 5'9" he guessed and with brown hair and this olive complexion to her skin. Wow, nice looking and she walked with this air of confidence. He'd seen that kind of walk before but he couldn't quite place it, not a swagger more like a "don't mess with me" stride.

Chuck's hearing was excellent and he heard something over in the pine tree. As Zondra approached he put his finger to his lips and pointed over at the pine tree. Zondra snapped up her glasses smoothly and saw the Lewis Woodpecker. She moved quietly closer to Chuck who then heard another bird call and looked behind him. Zondra followed his movement and saw the Scrub Jay. As they were both looking at the jay she noticed movement at her 9 o'clock and saw the spotted towhee, she nudged Chuck's arm to alert him and he spotted the bird. They scanned the area for another two minutes without saying a word.

Chuck lowered his glasses and then finally saw the beautiful woman standing beside him and broke the ice. "Have you had a good day, seen any life birds yet? Oh, sorry I forgot my manners; my name is Chuck and put his hand out." Zondra smiled. She couldn't believe it, she was wearing shorts and a lightweight hiking shirt that wasn't revealing but nonetheless very complimentary to her body and yet this guy takes forever to notice her. The nice thing she filed away for future reference was he didn't ogle her. He did however make great eye contact with her and had lovely brown eyes.

"Hi I'm Zondra, no life birds yet, but this is my first day. What about you?"

"Honestly, I only started into Bird watching about a month ago so everything goes on my list right now. The one thing I have going for me is I can hear them and then I can usually spot them, even though 80% of the time I don't know exactly what I see. I'm headed over to Alpine Lake, apparently there are some teals over there. I'd welcome the company but don't want to intrude?"

Zondra, normally would have said goodbye and gone her own way, she didn't like getting overly involved with civilians but there was something about this guy, what the hell, after all four eyes and four ears were better than two in spotting birds."

They spent the next two hours tramping along the lake and nearby trails. Most of the time she was helping him identifying the birds they saw, but he was a quick study. His hearing was an order of magnitude better than hers and he always nailed down where the sound was coming from, impressive. They walked down the trail together for three miles back to the car park entrance. For a lot of the walk there was companionable silence. He didn't ask her about herself but mentioned his new company and just moving here. They were now back to the car park and Chuck looked at here and was about to speak and stopped, he then started again and said. "I really appreciate you helping me with the identifications, you are a sensei of birding and he did a mock bow to her." She laughed and bowed back and said "When you can take the binoculars from my hand you can leave the temple." Both of them laughed. She just knew this guy would not take a chance on asking her out he was very careful about not intruding into her space, quite the gentleman. She surprised herself as she said. "Listen Chuck, I am starved and I am going into town to eat, I would welcome your company." Chuck smiled and said. "Lead the Way."

**August 2008**

Zondra was sitting in Chuck's apartment, wearing one of his T-shirts and curled up on the sofa. He was fussing in the kitchen making her pancakes for breakfast. She gave him a big smile when he looked at her and she felt warmed inside at knowing him and being with him. She still shook her head. In the space of four months they had had some amazing ups and downs including her pulling a gun on him. She smiled, they both knew that she would never ever do him any harm. She then started going back over the past four months in her mind and drifted a little.

_When it came to her relationship with Chuck, and looking back, she realized she was in too deep before she knew it, she was a goner. It only took that first two weeks spending time with him. Afterward when she went on a short two week mission, she couldn't stop thinking about him and cursed herself that she had no pictures of him. This had never happened to her before. So she checked him out with the agency and got the shock of her life. Red flags popped up all over the place. She finally talked with Director Graham and he told her everything. [except that Chuck used to be the intersect which was way above her need to know.] Graham told her that Bartowski was now a civilian, who for a year had done amazing things for his country and had worked with two handlers. That mission was over and now he had no further connection with the intelligence community. Zondra, again out of character had worked up the courage to ask Director Graham if there was any reason for her to not get involved with Chuck. Her heart was in her throat as she waited for Graham's reply. _

_Graham said. "Agent Rizzo, you can tell him you are an agent but nothing more and yes proceed, have at it, if that is your desire. Keep him safe Zondra, I like Bartowski"_

_Five weeks after first meeting him on the trail, she had specially invited him over to her hotel suite in San Francisco, her sanctuary. He showed up and once in the room smiled at her, one of those big smiles that she thought about when he wasn't with her. _

"_Chuck, I need to tell you something and I'm nervous about doing this but here goes. I have never lied to you. I don't want ever to do that but I haven't been totally forthcoming with you. Here goes, I am an agent with the CIA." She was about to go on when she saw Chuck's demeanor abruptly change and he was angry. She'd never seen him angry before. He stood up and moved two steps towards her towering over her as she sat on the edge of her bed and said. "You mean this was a mission, I was a mark and you were playing me. God I'm so sick of this, why the hell can't you people leave me in peace. I just want to be normal again. So what's the plan this time Agent Rizzo get me in the sack, manipulate me, control me or recruit me?" _

_Zondra saw red and she sprang to her feet, how dare he say that to her and how dare he get into her personal space, so with practiced ease she pulled her gun out and pointed it away from him but told him in a low threatening voice. "Back away, now."_

_Chuck looked at the gun and took a step back and said. "Unless you plan to shoot me, please put that away Agent Rizzo, I am sorry if you felt threatened." Zondra looked down at the gun and then Chuck and holstered the gun. _

_Chuck wearily sat back down in the chair. He put his head in his hands and said. "What do want from me Agent Rizzo, because I'm confused, I thought I had a green light from the CIA to get on with my life? To try to be a normal guy and live a normal life?"_

_Zondra didn't know where to begin but she knew every word out of her mouth from this point on had to be true, because one lie, one deflection, one hesitation on her part would kill this relationship dead in its tracks. God he was like a deer ready to run. So very slowly Zondra told him the truth, their meeting was a pure accident. It wasn't a mission for her. She had been on vacation and the thing she most loved was being in the woods. She then told him about her dad taking her out bird watching as a child. Finally she told him that she had followed standard agency protocol and had cleared her possible relationship with him to Graham, who said it was okay for them to "..give it a go." Chuck had calmed down and was listening closely to all that she said and he was looking at her body and her eyes looking for a lie. She knew he still didn't quite trust her._

_Zondra smiled inwardly and said in for a penny, in for a pound, she then said. "Chuck you know agents protect their real identity, especially there real name and the identity of their family more than any other secret they have. There is simply too much danger, too many enemies who could use that information and hurt them. I am going to go with my heart and my gut on this Chuck, I am going to trust you with something precious. My real name is Sofia, I won't tell you my last name."_

_Chuck had wanted to get out of her hotel room and shake the dust from his shoes. He hated the idea that the CIA was sniffing around his life. But he listened and he was waiting for the story, the lies, and the half-truths and was amazed at how Zondra or Sofia spoke to him. The sharing of her real name, that was amazing, Sarah had never shared her real name with him. He sat back and ruminated on what Zondra had said. She was either the most brilliant liar on the planet or he was getting the truth. He jumped in and asked her a lot of questions. To be fair only twice did she say she couldn't answer a question because of her promise to Graham. _

_Chuck then said. "Zondra. I need to tell you something, it's about an agent who was one of my handler's. I need to tell you this before we start down this road of maybe getting into a relationship you need to know what happened, the fact is I'm still in love with her and she with me. I forced her to make a choice and in the end she chose the CIA over me. I have no contact with her, even though I tried, I even went to Graham. He told me that it could be years before I heard from her."_

_Zondra looked at Chuck and said. "So if I wasn't a CIA agent and just a normal girl, would you have told me about this other woman?" _

_Chuck said. "Of course, it wouldn't be fair to a normal girl, I just wouldn't have told her the other woman was a CIA agent. Listen Zondra, I guess I'm damaged goods not only to you but to any other woman I might meet right now. But I want you to know that the last five weeks has been the happiest I've been since, since I left Burbank and I know it's solely because of you, being in my life."_

_Zondra sat on the edge of her bed and cocked her head to the left studying Chuck. Yes he was damaged goods. But if he knew even a tenth of what had happened to her in the last three years he would know she also was damaged goods. God, what to do? Be honest with yourself Sofia, you are 27 years old and you have never met a man like this. Are you going to meet someone better in the next ten years, not likely, not in your line of work? Then she thought that time is not on my side. It was a shitty hand nature had dealt her but there it was and I know that there is nothing I can do to change that. Finally she made a decision._

"_Chuck I have a proposition for you, for us. Let's keep seeing each other, give it another two or three months and see if your heart is big enough to love two women. I don't need for you to stop loving her but I won't be second. I know that doesn't make sense, do you understand what I mean when I say that?" _

_Chuck gave her a little smile and said. "I honestly don't know, but I know that the chance to be with you for two or three months is something I want to have. I would feel horrible if you just walked out on me and I could never see you again. So proposition accepted, let's see what this funny heart of mine is capable of."_

Chuck broke Zondra's reverie and said. "Okay the pancakes are ready, let's eat."

After breakfast Chuck told Zondra he needed to nip down to his office and get a registered letter that a courier had dropped off. Did she want to come? She declined and said. "Listen go get your letter, and pick up a nice bottle of red for us for tonight. I'll clear up the breakfast dishes and clean up." She then walked over to him and put her hand on his cheek and then slid it to the back of his head and pulled him into a passionate kiss. Chuck eagerly responded and for just a moment it looked like going to the office and clearing dishes would be on hold for a while. But then Zondra broke the kiss and said. "Chuck, I swear you have put a spell on me. I am going to be strong here, go get your letter and the wine but hurry back, we have a lot of catching up to do!"

Chuck left and Zondra wanted to replay in her mind what happened last night and what she had just done.

_Last night_

_Zondra and Chuck had mutually agreed that until Chuck could cope with loving two women at the same time, sex was off the table. Zondra had said to him. "Chuck if for some reason this women comes tomorrow and knocks at our door and she and I are both standing there in front of you. I need to know, even if it breaks your heart that you will stay with me. If you can't do that then tell me so and let's part friends." _

_In the last four months there had been hugs and kisses goodnight and holding hands but both of them realized that until Chuck could make that commitment to her then how could she commit to a serious relationship with him? It cut both ways._

_The last mission she had been on finished up earlier than expected but successfully. She requested and got two weeks' vacation._ _The last two weeks she had been with Chuck constantly, walking, talking, watching DVDs and doing these crazy video games with him. It was getting harder and harder for the two of them to keep their hands off each other. They were just finishing watching a movie and she knew Chuck was a million miles away not paying attention to the screen. He took the remote and turned off the movie. Stood up and started walking around the room. Finally he came back and sat beside her and said. "Zondra, my heart is big enough to love two women. There is something else, and I'm afraid to say it because it is unfair to ask you but I know we will never work out if you continue to be a CIA field agent. Like you I don't want to be second fiddle and as long as you are working for them I get only the scraps of your life, they get everything else." Chuck waited for the answer he knew was coming, after all, how could a computer nerd compete with the CIA. Truth to be told Zondra was every bit as beautiful as Sarah and they were both way out of his league. He waited for the body blow and tensed. _

_Zondra turned to Chuck and a smile spread on her face and she looked at him and at those big brown eyes and said. "Chuck I want you more than I want the CIA. There are some other factors that actually make my decision easier to leave the agency. If you are willing to commit to us, then I will call tomorrow and start the process of resigning, it takes two weeks but then as they say I'm yours. I need to look for a job, any ideas?" Zondra smiled at Chuck's reaction. The sadness in his eyes was replaced with joy and he grabbed her and hugged her as hard as he could. Then he kissed her and she kissed him back as fiercely. When they parted to catch their breath. Zondra whispered in his ear. Chuck Bartowski you have two minutes to get me into your bedroom and on your bed or I'm out of here." _

**September 2008**

Zondra ex CIA agent now used her real name Sofia Williams. Sofia was in the washroom and was getting ready for bed. As she came out of the bathroom she was wearing her Dartmouth T-Shirt on and was wearing red panties. As she moved towards the bed, Chuck was sitting up on his side and watching her. "Chuck, what's that look for? What are you up to?" He looked down at her pillow. On top of her pillow there was a single rose and a little jewellery box with a white ribbon round it. Sofia stopped dead in her tracks and her throat tightened up and her eyes misted. She bent down and smelled the rose and took the box and undid the ribbon. Inside was an engagement rink, it wasn't too big but she didn't care. Chuck said. "Sofia would you do me the honor of becoming my wife." Sofia couldn't speak, all she could do was hug him and kiss him. Finally she wiped away the tears and said yes Chuck. But you and I need to go down this weekend and meet my parents. Chuck I love them both, I need you to ask them for their blessing. Please." Chuck said. "Of course but I don't know anything about them, hell I don't even know where they live?" Sofia laughed and said. "We are going to San Diego. They are both US Naval officers. Dad is Commander Daniel Williams and Mom is Lt. Commander Janice Williams. Chuck Bartowski my love, you'd better get your shit together and yourself squared aware before you meet them. I want their blessing on our marriage."


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N_

_Now we find out what Sarah is up to. I believe it highly plausible that Sarah would get totally wrapped up in the job and wouldn't forget Chuck that would_

_never happen. But who among us have not become totally absorbed with a job or opportunity to the detriment of loved ones and friends._

**Nov 2009**

**Kaiser Labor & Delivery San Rafael, CA**

Rachel Sofia Bartowski came into the world at 7 Lbs 2 ounces. Chuck sat beside his wife Sofia as she held their brand new daughter and leaned over and hugged them both. Life was never going to be the same, now he had three special women, no with Ellie make that four special women he knew he would love for the rest of his life.

**Dec 2009 Amsterdam**

Senior Agent Sarah Walker was sitting in her office going over the latest intelligence gathered from Operation Snow. She finished the report and pushed her chair back and stretched. Outside the rain was beating against the window driven by a frontal system over the North Sea. The office was on the third floor of a three story building that overlooked the Sloterpark registered under the name of Quantum Investments. The company was a front for their operation. It had been almost two years since she had left Burbank. She had taken exactly five days of vacation in that entire time. The job was everything she had hoped for but it demanded everything she had.

Operation Snow was about diamonds because diamonds were an easy way to move wealth. It was a great way to move and launder money. It was a great way for organizations who didn't want to go through the "legal" channel to pay each other for a job done or a job to be done. Everyone was here, MI6, DGSE or Direction générale de la sécurité extérieure, KLPD, Korps Landelijke Politie Diensten and of course her and the CIA. Russian mob money came through here and the rich Sheiks loved Amsterdam. Sarah had thrown herself body and soul into the job. There was always something happening, decisions for her to make about missions and her team and her agents and sometimes who lived and who died.

And then there was the bureaucracy. Graham was okay, she knew what he was like and what he expected of her and there was a certain level of trust between them. Her Station Chief Europe was another matter entirely. Emily J. Watson had been a kick ass field agent. In her younger years she was beautiful and lethal. She had a fierce reputation of always getting the mission completed. She also was the most ambitious person Sarah had ever met as well as being the youngest Station Chief in the CIA. Emily wanted one day to be a Deputy Director and you either helped her, got out of her way or she would steamroll you. At this exact moment Sarah was the blue eyed girl, her reputation was she could walk on water. So right now, Emily was Sarah's friend. Mike one of the older agents working for her summed it up best one evening. They had been out at dinner talking about Emily when Mike had raised his class and said. "Ah yes dear Emily, she has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by her friends." Sarah who hadn't laughed very much couldn't help herself and joined Mike when he started laughing.

Sarah hated Christmas and Thanksgiving and any other holiday, if it meant she wasn't busy and had time to think. Christmas was five days away and there would be a couple of days where she would be by herself. This was by choice, she needed to always keep her head in the game and she had survived by not trusting anyone and that included Graham, Watson and the CIA. It was when she was alone in her hotel room that her thoughts drifted. Chuck was usually where they went. When Chuck had left her standing alone in his bedroom, knowing she had chosen the CIA over him she was distraught. Her gut had told her to run after him and leave the agency behind. But her mind and her professional pride told her the opportunity Graham had handed her comes your way but once. Professionally she had made the right choice. Her personal life was virtually nonexistent.

A couple of times she had hooked up with other agents but it was physical, nothing more.

The job left little time to think about Chuck and so month by month the ache in her gut and her heart lessened, her wounded heart hadn't really healed but there was a thick scab that let her focus on the job. In the back of her travelling bag were two items in a sealed plastic bag that she now seldom looked at, there was one of Chuck's T-shirts and one photo Ellie had taken of the two of them on the couch. Sarah loved the photo because she was totally relaxed, not a care in the world and snuggled beside Chuck with his arm around her.

**December 2011**

**Langley **

Sarah sat in Graham's office waiting for him to come back from a meeting at the White House. She had time to reflect back over the last two years. Sarah once the blue eyed girl had fallen from her pedestal, at least in the eyes of the CIA. To be specific the Station Chief Europe Emily Watson had excoriated Sarah in the last performance review she gave her. A big black mark had been put in her file. Sarah got up and started walking around Graham's office and remembering what had happened.

_September 2011 _

_Sarah had received the coded message from Emily Watson to burn her asset Jan Haas. Jan was a bookkeeper in one of the organizations her team had been tracking. Sarah had been responsible for recruiting him and handling him. It turned out that Jan had better than average computer skills and he had proven valuable in helping them thoroughly penetrate two other organizations. Jan hadn't taken or asked for any money from the CIA . Sarah had told him that she was working for the Dutch government and he was making the world a better place and doing his civic duty. Jan wasn't one of the bad guys. A little naïve perhaps and definitely in the wrong place at the wrong time. He was 39 years old and had a wife and an eight year old daughter. Emily Watson worried that Jan was a loose end and if he forgot himself and talked to the wrong person at the wrong time he would harm future operations. Emily hated loose ends and usually opted for burning the asset. _

_Sarah met Jan at a secluded park and had her silenced pistol in her carrying bag. Jan sat down and they chatted. The moment had arrived, there was no one around and she knew there were no cameras at this end of the park. She was about to pull out the gun and carry out her orders. She was about to complete her mission. Jan was just sitting there so trusting and that was Sarah's undoing. Jan trusted her. Chuck also had totally trusted her. _

_She would never have harmed Chuck, not if the President himself ordered her to. Then she remembered Chuck's words to her when they parted about protecting the inner Sarah. If she killed Jan, then she would lose part of herself, forever. Suddenly she remembered the feelings in her body. It was the same feelings when she had passed her Red Test. No, not again. This time she would listen to her body and to Chuck. She looked at Jan and said. "Jan you are in danger. Meet me here tomorrow at 10am, tell no one, I mean no one. Pack one bag for each person, you, your wife and your daughter. Call no one and leave anything that's electronic in your house. Do you understand?" Jan was terrified but did what Sarah asked. Sarah called in two favors, one from MI6 and one from DGSE. She gave Jan money from her operational funds $50,000 USD to start up his new life. MI6 helped with the extraction and DGSE found a village in France. Sarah knew what was going to happen next._

_Emily Watson was furious that Sarah had not followed her orders and called her back to Paris for a dressing down. Both of them had squared off in Emily's office and both their tempers had flared. Emily was angry and shouted. "You don't ever disobey my orders." Sarah shouted back at Emily. "I'm the senior agent on the spot, I get to make that call and I have full authority to use the operational funds. Director Graham already has a full report about the incident and my opinions about killing an innocent Dutch citizen. He also has a full accounting for the operational funds since my appointment. Emily couldn't reverse Sarah's decision but she wanted her out of Europe. _

December 2011

Langley

Langston Graham came back into his office and said. "Sorry I'm late Sarah, you never say no to the National Security Advisor when he invites you up to the White House. First of all you did a splendid job over there. Operation Snow is a success. But you have made an enemy of Emily Watson. Because of the Jan Haas incident Emily's wings have been clipped, it is unlikely she is going to rise above being a Station Chief but she has some powerful connections in the agency, people who owe her favors. That means your career is somewhat stalled. But I think if you lie low for two or three years I can get you back on the fast track."

Sarah looked at Graham and said. "Director, I have always been able to count on you for support and watching my back. I never wanted to disappoint you but I think I'm going to have to do so today." Sarah took a breath and said. "I am resigning from the Agency." As Sarah said this she pulled out her wallet with her identity and badge and her gun and put them on his desk. Graham sat back and looked at her. "Sarah there is no going back on this decision, once the paperwork goes through that's it. Are you a hundred per cent certain?"

Sarah looked up at him and said. "Director this feels right and I am totally at peace with my decision. It's time to figure out who I really am." Graham stood up and shook her hand and wished her good luck in figuring out who she was.

Sept 2012

San Diego

Chuck, Ellie, Devon and Sofia's parents Daniel and Janice were gathered around Sofia's hospital bed. Sofia died at 7:06 in the evening. The nurse quietly shut off all the monitors and the equipment. The Doctors gave their condolences and left them to grieve.

Sofia and her parents had known this day might come, the onset of the genetic condition usually appeared in a person's early forties. No one including Chuck expected it to come this soon. Chuck remembered back a couple of weeks before their wedding, Sofia had told Chuck about the hereditary condition she had. Chuck remembered the fear in her eyes when she had told him. The fear that Chuck would be angry that she hadn't told him when he had proposed to her. But Sofia had looked him in the eyes and said to him. "It's not too late Chuck, if you want to call it quits. Remember when you told me you were damaged goods, well now you know I'm damaged goods to." Chuck wasn't angry, he loved Sofia and was committed to her. But he was sad that the normal life he had hoped for wasn't going to be so normal after all. Now he understood why Sofia or Zondra had been so quick to commit to their relationship and so quick to resign from the CIA. There was a clock ticking and time was precious to Sofia. Once Sofia knew she was in love with Chuck then she wasn't going to waste any time. Chuck now knew that time was a precious commodity for both of them.

Ellie came over to him and didn't have to say anything to him. Chuck didn't know a person could feel this much pain and still be alive. He reached down and hugged Ellie and wept. After a while Chuck composed himself and went over to his in-laws and hugged them both and together they went downstairs to see his little girl Rachel.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

May 2013

San Diego Zoo

Sarah and her adopted sister Molly were headed to see the Giant Panda. Molly also wanted to see the Otters being fed later on. Sarah looked down on Molly and couldn't believe she was now able to see her Mom and Molly anytime she wanted to and not put their lives in imminent danger. Looking back on the day she walked out of the CIA forever, the one piece of good news was when Langston Graham said to her. "Sarah, this is strictly "need to know" and I'm pushing the boundaries here by telling you but Kieran Ryker was terminated with extreme prejudice last week. It's confirmed by DNA. I've closed and sealed all the files on what happened in Hungary. I think we can consider the matter concluded." When Sarah had heard the news she breathed a huge sigh of relief and a big piece of where she was going to live fell into place. She could now reunite with her Mother and her adopted sister.

Molly who was six years old yanked on Sarah's arm wanting her to hurry so they both ran the last five yards just as the Panda's started eating their bamboo shoots. Sarah was keeping one eye on Molly and the Panda in its enclosure and one eye on what was happening around her. Old habits die very hard.

Off in the distance there was a man coming toward the Panda enclosure walking with a little girl. It was kind of amusing the differences in height between them, she looked to be about 3 or 4 and he was well over 6 feet. He bent down and picked the little girl up and as Sarah got a good look at his face her heart skipped a beat and her left hand went up to her mouth. It was Chuck, he looked a little older, better dressed but it was him.

Chuck picked up Rachel who was tuckered out and wanted him to carry her. After he picked her up and started walking again, he caught sight of the tall blonde woman near the little girl with her face pressed up against the glass looking down at the Panda. A half second latter he stopped dead in his tracks, it was Sarah! It took him almost a minute before he could get his feet moving again and as he walked up to her a smile just naturally spread over his face. Sarah had locked eyes with Chuck the instance he had recognized her, she saw him stop and wait, when he smiled at her, Sarah couldn't help herself she gave him a dazzling smile back.

For a second they just stood in front of each other both feeling awkward, then Chuck put his left arm that was free and put it around her and pulled her into a hug. Sarah leaned into the hug and hugged him and the little girl he was holding. Chuck then kneeled down until he was at the same height as Molly and said. "Hi I'm Chuck." Sarah quickly bent down and said to Molly. "Molly, this is Chuck he is my very best friend. Chuck this is my sister Molly." Then Sarah looked at the little girl and Chuck said. "Rachel this is ...". Sarah put her hand on Chuck's arm to stop him and said. "Chuck my real name is Samantha, I prefer Sam." Chuck blinked and then turned back to Rachel. "Rachel this is my very best friend in the world Sam." At that moment Molly said. "Chuck we're going to see the Otter's eat really smelly fish, do you want to come with us?" Chuck nodded yes.

They spent another hour together, the four of them going around the zoo paying attention to the animals and Rachel and Molly. They moved passed the initial awkwardness a bit and started to exchange some of their news. Chuck found out that Sam had resigned from the CIA and was living in San Diego and teaching French and Spanish at the French-American Private School in the city. That she and Molly and her mother shared a house together about two miles from his place.

Sam didn't tell Chuck that when she realized she was going to resign from the CIA, back in 2011 she had tracked down his whereabouts. She knew he was married to Sofia and lived in San Anselmo and that he ran a small business there. When she had found out Chuck was married, it had hurt her. He hadn't patiently waited for three years for her to come back to him. But another part of her didn't like the image of Chuck mopping around after her like he had done with Jill. So, she made a decision let him live the normal life he had always wanted and she would get on with hers.

What Sam didn't know was that his wife Sofia had died almost a year ago and that Chuck had decided to live in San Diego to allow his in-laws to be close to Rachel.

Chuck needed to take Rachel home she was dead on her feet. "Sarah...sorry, I mean Sam. I haven't asked this yet and I don't want to pry but are you seeing anyone because I want to ask you out to dinner, just the two of us but if that isn't...I don't want to barge in...I mean I would understand …if …."

Sam jumped in and saved him. "Chuck, Yes. I would be happy to go out to dinner with you." They exchanged cell numbers and agreed to go out that Friday at a place Sam knew near Cardiff-by-the-seas beach.

**Cardiff Beaches**

**Friday May 17, 2013 6 pm**

Sam had reserved a table in a little bistro she liked. The table she picked was away in a corner where she and Chuck could talk and wouldn't be overheard. She had spent a couple of hours getting ready. Her makeup and hair was perfect she had put her hair up the same way she had on their very first meal they had together and wore a similar dress. She smiled to herself, no knives or gun hidden away this time.

Chuck was as nervous as he could ever remember. Since they had met at the zoo he had wanted to call her a hundred different times and started to dial the number maybe twenty times but never pressed the talk button. He had a thousand questions for her. He also was carrying a letter for Sarah or now it was for Sam. Chuck saw Sam and took a breath and stopped walking. She was radiant and he loved when she put her hair up like that. He went to the table bent down and kissed her on the cheek and they started to talk, awkwardly at first and then it got just a little easier.

Once they had ordered coffee and some of the tension had lessened and were feeling more comfortable in each other's presence. Chuck said. "Sam, when you left, I tried to contact you and pestered Beckman and Graham, they wouldn't help me. Graham also warned me not to use my hacking skills to try to find you, because I would put your life in danger. So I guess I gave up hope and then Sofia came into my life. Sarah... sorry, Sam. Sofia was in the CIA and you knew her and she knew you. She told me to give you this letter if, something happened to her and you ever came into my life again." Chuck handed the letter to Sam.

Sam held the letter in her hand and looked at Chuck and said. "Do you know what's in the letter?" Chuck shook his head no and said. "Sofia before she sealed it and handed it to me asked if I wanted to look at it. I said no it was between you and her."

Sam sat back and opened the letter.

_July 15, 2011_

_Dear Sarah,_

_If you are reading this letter then I have died and somehow you have come back into his life. I've told Chuck we knew each other and had worked together as CIA agents, that once we were close friends. I haven't told him about the CAT squad and what the four of us did together for two reasons; one, is because you and I stopped being friends because you believed I was a traitor. I know I wasn't a traitor; it must have been either Carina or Amy. It doesn't really matter to me now. The second reason is; we got rid of a lot of very bad people, we did make the world safer but all of us ended up with a lot of blood on our hands one way or the other. He doesn't need to hear those stories, it's in the past, let it stay there. _

_Sarah, right now I imagine you're pissed off thinking how I could have stolen Chuck from you. It wasn't planned, I will leave Chuck to tell that story. What you need to know is that when we first met, almost at the very beginning of our relationship Chuck warned me he was in love with his female handler and you were in love with him. It didn't take a lot of digging by me to find out it was you, Carina confirmed it, after all how many stunning tall blondes are there in the CIA. Sarah, I never asked him to stop loving you. What I did do is ask him to start loving me. Sarah for women like us, with our backgrounds and what we have done, Chuck is a one in a million kind of man. You know how smart Chuck is he knows what happens in the field what we've called upon to do. Not once did Chuck think any less of me because of my past life. I don't need to tell you what it is like to have him give his love to you, you know. He has brought out the best in me, I have no regrets and make no apologies to you or anyone. _

_Sarah, I knew as a teenager that my years on mother earth were not going to be long. So I was selfish, I pressed Chuck to commit to me and he did, but not once did I do anything to make him thing badly of you. Hidden in his side dresser he keeps a picture of you and him sitting on a couch both smiling and looking totally smitten with each other, I know he from time to time looks at that picture, you still have a special place in his heart. _

_Sarah, if you decide to come back into his life give yourself completely to him, the best thing I ever did was to leave the agency. Looking back I don't know why I wasted a minute debating that particular decision. The other thing I have always done is try to protect him like you did for that year you were both together. Protect him._

_Zondra/ Sofia_

When Sam finished the letter and looked up at Chuck her eyes were filling with tears and she wiped at them with her hand. Chuck had watched Sam reading the letter and saw her reaction. What did Sofia say?

Finally Sam said. "Chuck, let's settle up here and go for a walk on the beach."

As they walked along the beach they came to a spot Sam liked, there was a three quarter moon just rising and the moonlight played across the ocean. Chuck and Sam sat down and Sam said. "Chuck please tell me your story after we left each other in Burbank." So Chuck told her his story and he also told her as much as he loved Sofia, he never stopped loving her. Afterwards Chuck said. "Sam tell me your story, at least since your resigned from the CIA." Sam told her about Molly and her Mother and going back to get her teaching certificate and really loving being at the school. She also told him that Graham had helped her get a contract with the San Diego police teaching the female officers martial arts.

Sam turned to Chuck and said. "Chuck those years I was working with the CIA, it's all classified so we will never talk about it but there is one thing you need to know. Because of you my love there is an innocent man alive today." The conversation just naturally stopped and they both looked out over the ocean lost in thought. Sam then turned to Chuck and said. "Chuck I have never stopped loving you, no one can ever take that place in my heart. Chuck kiss me." 

Saturday October 19, 2013

St. Andrew's Presbyterian Church

Samantha Lisa McCallum married Chuck Bartowski on a cool autumn day. Sam initially wanted to have the wedding in May or June next year but Chuck told her that time was the most precious thing they had and he didn't want to waste a moment.

_A/N_

_Thank you to all who have endured and read this novella. I apologize to the Charahs for letting Chuck marry anyone else but Sarah. I believe that by Season two this story would have been impossible and Chuck would have waited many, many years for Sarah, even in an Alternate Universe_.


End file.
